Volume XIII: Another Gift Guide

It's mostly books so don't think we are all boobs/butts and no brains!

Ok girls and gays (and men who are last minute scrambling), the time has officially come. The seasonal depression has kicked in and the forced family time is back on. It’s been hard for us to feel motivated this time of year, between work, endless holiday parties and copious amounts of candy consumption - we can admit the inseparables have gotten a bit lazy. That and the weight of the world being a lot to grasp at the moment, we thought we would take a break from the introspective journalistic style that we’re so known and loved for and give you YET ANOTHER HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE!

If you know and love Sissy Davis, you know she is a master of gift giving (Andri is excitedly awaiting her Christmas/Hanukkah Care Package). She really took the reins this month as Andri has been ELF ON THE FRONT LINES working retail full time over the holiday season.

We love you, we’re grateful for you and we hope you all have a brain rot and red wine filled holiday season. We’ll get back to simulated hell in the new year xx.

1. Lets start practical

The best present for Christmas is the one you need, but absolutely have no desire to spend your disposable income on. I officially freaked the fuck out of my mother when the first few things on my list consisted of kitchen necessities. I’m old enough, stable enough to buy most things I want, but honestly I don’t want to buy a new sheet pan. Or a slotted spoon. Or serving platter. But god I need them. The burnt crusted $7 sheet pan that’s been doing overtime since 2021 may be giving Matt and I lead poisoning and to be absent of a slotted spoon during soup season?! Unacceptable!

May I recommend Crow Canyon to keep it fun, Nordic Wear for practicality, made good pans, and Jury’s still out on the serving platter tbh

Gimme 10 of ‘em

2. Keep it simple

The classics are a classic for a reason! But we can also elevate the classics… I’m talking let’s make the cliches a little lux. Nothing better than cozy and useful (or just simply frivolous) that can make my life 1% better after getting absolutely fucked by the world all day. Don’t reinvent the wheel, but maybe grease it up a little.

• For the sleepyhead: Slip sleepmask, Cozyland Pajamas, Hatch Alarmclock

• For the vibe curator: Rifle Paper Co., Diptyque, NEVER count out the volcano candle…., Apotheke Hand Dipped Candles, Terrain Taper Holder, Browse etsy because you can never go wrong with vintage or brass candlestick holders

  

  Ignore the rain, desk lamp, and bike menorah (yes we also do Hanukkah on this page!), but i love candle sticks…

• Bag: Alex Mill Tote, Hulken Bag (if you have to schlep to the laundromat…), Boat and Tote, Any ole tote bag (hopefully a gift with purchase for something fabulous)

  

  Help a girl schlep, yoga arms can only carry her so far

• Sweaters: Jcrew Rollneck Sweater, Alex Mill Rollneck Sweater, Sezane Emile Cardigan, a simple Nadaam Cashmere, Noyac Knits Xmas Collection (s/o), Ref Boyfriend Sweater, Aligne collar knit, and anything La Ligne ofc

• Jewelry: Hart Bezel Tennis Necklace, Hart Drop Earrings, Gold Cuff, Elsa Peretti Diamonds By the Yard Studs, A classic Yurman Ring, Agreement Bangle, Engrave the address (trust me)

  

  Literally who wouldn’t want this…

3. If they’re literate

Depending on how it’s framed, a book can be a very thoughtfully done present or very much so an “oops almost forgot” or, “oops I don’t wanna spend money on you!” Here are some hyper-specific suggestions so you fall in the former category, not latter:

For your boyfriend who read Lonesome Dove and now loves literature

• Brave New World

• Godfather

• Brûlés

• The Spirit of Crazy Horse

• On the Road (anything beatnik really)

For the person who climbed trees in their youth and appreciates Silent Spring

• Overstory

• Sibley Guide to Trees

• Backyard Bird Chronicles

• Uninhabitable Earth

For your friend who swears she hates reading but hasn’t discovered smut

• Heated Rivalry

• Conform

• The Deal

• Magnolia Parks

For the baker/cook (alt. for someone who needs to learn the fuck how to)

• Something From Nothing

• Justine Cooks

• Bethlehem: A Celebration of Palestinian Food

• Joy of Cooking

• Sweet Tooth

For the intellectual friend (performative)

• Infinite Jest

• The White Album

• War and Peace

• All About Love

• Just Kids

For the intellectual friend (real)

• The Plague

• 100 Years of Solitude (most García Márquez)

• Metamorphosis

• Martyr!

• Orbital

• Orlando: A Biography

For the girl who is freaky

• Lapnova

• Beta Vulgaris

• Night Bitch

• Milk Fed

• Rouge

• Anything Chelsea Bieker or Karen Russell

For the emotionally unstable (for exacerbation)

• Shuggie Bain

• We were Villains

• The Little Friend

• The Bluest Eyes (most Toni but they’re necessities)

• Piglet

• Parade

• Copenhagen Trilogy

For the cinephile

• Wuthering Heights

• Pride and Prejudice (BBC Miniseries also acceptable)

• The Big Goodbye: Chinatown and the Last Years of Hollywood

• Valley of the Dolls

• Unapologetically anything in the Hunger Games series

For your friend just discovering “woke” (check on these people, they should’ve caught on a while ago)

• A People’s History of the United States

• Genocide Bad: Notes on Palestine, Jewish History, and Collective Liberation

• The Handmaid’s Tale

• The Fire Next Time

• Freedom is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement

• Nickel Boys

For your the father figure in your life

• Any Sedaris

• Into Thin Air

• The Splendid and Vile

• Pillars of the Earth

• Mark Twain

• Kitchen Confidential

• Sharpe

For your the middle aged woman who is too picky for anything else

• Atmosphere

• Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter

• The Song of Achilles

• Crying in H-Mart

• Family Meal

• Anything in the smut section tbh…